A Shaky Situation
by Shrine Keeper of Rei Ayanami
Summary: The darkness of ones heart is finally revealed to one who has watched it grow. Can she help in restoring the light she had once seen in his heart or will she to succumb to the darkness.
1. This Suffering

A/N: Hey, finally started this up again, though it is a revision. I wanted to make it darker than it was before and after the angelic wars. There will be a blend of the manga and anime giving it a different feel then it might if it went with one or the other. Well sit back and enjoy my revision and tell me if you think its better or worse of then how I originally started it.

Shaky Situation

Chapter 1- This Suffering (Billy Talent)

Ibuki Maya walked along the corridors of the Geo front in her usual uniform, exhausted from having to stay late to finish up a few reports on the Magi system for Ritsuko. Her exhaustion also contributed to the continued sync tests of the pilots of the EVAs nearly four hours ago. So to see the door to one of the changing rooms open and then see Ikari Shinji step out, back in his regular outfit save the white button up shirt, with his head down caring an army issue duffel bag, fully loaded, was definably a surprise.

"Shinji." Her hand flew to her mouth when she realized she had actually said his name, barley above a whisper, to have him turn to see her.

"Ibuki-san," he stated nervously, his feet shifting uncomfortably as if caught in some illegal act. "I would have thought every one had left by now." It was a statement that Maya found herself frowning at. There had been a few reports recently that stated Ikari Shinji had, without success, tried to leave the city with the meager belongings he owned.

"You weren't trying to run away again, where you Ikari-kun." Shinji shifted his feet once again and turned his eye from her gaze. Unconsciously Maya found herself frowning at his movements. She had taken a few classes in human behavior, a requirement if you wished to work with the Magi system, and found him to be showing signs of guilt, depression, and maybe even resentment, if the slight narrowing of his eyes were anything to go by.

"No." His voice was unemotional. She noticed, with slight concern, that he winced when he tried to clench his fist and came to notice the wraps of gauze on both wrist. It was with that observation that she began to, once again, take in his physique. His hair was dull and lifeless, as if he didn't get enough nutrients, and his skin held a pasty white completion, that obviously showed he wasn't going outside much or at least less than usual. His eyes were almost gray, instead of their usual blue, and blood shot which only stood out more with the bags that clearly showed he was barely sleeping. He looked smaller than he probably was as he slouched almost unnoticeable, but enough that people would probably over look him, something, she guessed, he wanted to happen. There was also the matter of the ribs that could just barely be seen through the dark blue shirt tucked into his pants.

"Are you alright Shinji." She used his name in hopes of getting a better response out of the boy. His reaction wasn't exactly something she expected when his eyes snapped to her face for a fraction of a moment before turning around and walking away with a mumbled "Yea," that she barely caught over the sounds of his own feet hitting the tiled floor. With a scowl on her face she rushed in front off him, fully intent on getting better answers out of the boy, only for him to side step her and continue on his way. He didn't get far as Maya quickly took hold of one of his wrists, effectively earning a hiss of breath from Shinji.

"Shinji," she asked, not releasing his hand, "what happened to your wrists?"

"Nothing," he said nervously, "It's just, those new plug suits kind of chafe my wrists." It didn't take a scientist, which she was, to see that he was lying, poorly. All the plug suits were designed the same way and only varied to alleviate sexual differences. If the wrists on the new plug suits did chafe then Asuka, while not totally back to her original self but enough that she still complained about everything, would have been the first to comment on the suits being uncomfortable.

"You're poor at lying, Ikari-kun," she stated while keeping firm hold of him. Shinji gained a panicked look on his face when she said that and, lamely, tried to pull away from her. She did not allow him his freedom however as she kept strong hold of wrist.

"Tell me Ikari-kun or I will be forced to contact both Major Katsuragi-san as well as Commander Ikari-san." She was surprised when, instead of being intimidated, he almost scoffed at her.

"Like my _father_," he emphasized the word, "would care. If I had cancer, in some form of another, the most he would ask is if I could still pilot while being cured before going on with his day." While Maya wasn't totally shocked by Shinji's depiction of his father she was shocked, however, he had stated it sarcastically, to her no less. What he said next though, brought anger to the forefront of her mind.

"As for Misato, she'll probably yell at me for some undefinable amount of time saying how disappointed in me she is. After that she'll probably get too drunk to remember that she had even talked to me in the first place and I won't hear about it again until Ritsuko, or now you, bring it up again." Ibuki Maya was speechless. For Shinji to blatantly drag Commander Ikari's name through the mud was one thing, but to do the same for Misato was something she could not ignore. The resounding slap of skin on skin echoed through the halls as Maya's right hand stuck fiercely on Shinji's left cheek brought tears to both their eyes.

"I'm appalled Shinji," forgoing formalities, "that you would think so low of Katsuragi-san." That being said she forcefully began to drag him down the halls in the general direction of the exit.

"What are you doing," he asked as he tried desperately to get away, only to wince once more when her hand tightened on his wrist.

"Seeing as Katsuragi-san has not been showing the best guardianship skills, you will being staying with me from now on so that you can once again function at the normal human level. I will inform Katsuragi-san over the telephone that I've taken it upon myself to take you into my care and will submit a full form of the change to Akagi-sempai in the morning." He did not say anything to this, she guessed that he was speechless, and simply allowed her to drag him to a near by elevator were they waited for it to arrive. When it did she quickly pulled Shinji in and pressed the button that would take them up to the car garage and eventually her apartment.

* * *

It had been an uncomfortable half an hour ride to Maya's apartment and an even worse elevator ride to the sixth floor before he was, once again, drug to a door with the number 216 posted to the door. Maya's hand worked around in her pocket for her keys and opened the door. Inside was a small entry way were they removed their shoes and Shinji was told to drop his bag before he was pulled into the main area of the building. All the walls were a soft beige and the carpet a light blue. An entertainment system with a moderate television was pressed to the wall on the left while a dark blue love seat was similarly pressed to the wall on the right. A glass coffee table sat in front of the small sofa. They continued on and as they turned left into the hall Shinji caught sight of the kitchen that was made up of white linoleum, stained wood cupboards, a small open bar that separated the kitchen from the living room and the appliances spaced evenly along the counter. The hall had three doors, two on the right and one on the left, all closed. Maya led him to the closest on the right, opened the door and turned on the light to reveal a rather large bathroom. It was all colored to the brown tile on the floor and had a glass walk in shower on the right, which could have held five people if socially acceptable, a Jacuzzi tub that stretched from the left wall to the glass of the shower on the right, a toilet in front of that, and a long expanse of counter space with a simple sink set in the center, a wall sized mirror hung over that.

"Sit on the counter," Maya stated as she hunched down and began to search through the cabinets underneath the counter after she had locked the door. Shinji, seeing as he would probably just be forced to later decided to get it over with and hopped up to sit. When Maya came back up she brought with her a large enough supply of medical accessories that she could have healed most thing that could have gone wrong with the body and set them down on the counter beside him. He took note of the rolls of gauze, rubbing alcohol, skin cream, cotton balls and swabs, and aspirin.

"Now," she started as she took hold of his arm gently but firmly, "hold still." Shinji didn't watch as she slowly began to take off the gauze on his left had instead he stared at the wall to his right trying, without success, to act as if it was all what usually happened to him.

When the gauze fell away from his wrists Maya had to stifle a gasp as well as resist the urge to slap him. There, on his wrist, lay a tirade of cuts. She gripped his arm tighter as she looked them over. Most of the cuts were healed over but you could still see were a blade had been pressed to the skin while one or two, further apart, looked relatively recent, but there in the center of it all was one that could easily seen was brand new and slowly welling blood. She felt tears pricking at her eyes as she stretched out her free hand for cotton balls and the rubbing alcohol. Shinji winced as the soaked cotton ran across his skin leaving him with a burning sensation running up his arm. Gauze was quick to cover all the cuts before Maya moved on to his other arm which was finished in quick succession. Maya stood staring at Shinji's face, which would still not meet hers and gently placed both her hands on his cheeks and softly turned his head to face hers. Still his eyes would not meet hers and with a sad smile, tears in her eyes, she pressed her forehead against his. Shinji's eyes snapped to her brown tearful ones that stared pleading at his own bloodshot blue.

"Shinji... please don't do this. Things can get better. You... just need to let people in." Maya's voice cracked and she moved her thumbs gently across his cheeks in a comforting movement. Unconsciously Shinji found himself wishing she would continue to do so. His wishes were dashed when she pulled back a little placed a kiss softly on his forehead and then moved her hands to pull gently on his own and bringing him slowly to the living room of the apartment. She set him down on the love seat before going over to a phone that hung on the wall to call up Misato Katsuragi. As Shinji sat there on the couch he slowly moved his hand up to run it gently across his cheek, hoping to recall some of the warmth that had been in Maya's touch.

A/N: So what do you think. Definitely different from the first time. I just started thinking it over and realized I could do some much more with this if it wasn't his choice to stay with Maya. It's after the angelic wars, like I stated before, and the JSSDF didn't attack. I didn't include that, partially because I haven't seen the movies, and partially because I NERV to still be running. Both characters will ultimately be out of character but for those of you wondering about Shinji now just think about it. He just killed Kaworu (I think that's how you spell his name), a boy who said he loved him. Asuka has just come out of an almost vegetable state and he now knows that Rei isn't really much of a human. As for Maya, she's been watching Shinji the longest seeing as he was the easiest to get along with and the fact that she was probably uncomfortable with Rei and we don't see much of what her personality is through most of the anime. I've read summaries of the manga so don't kill me for getting some things wrong. May the blessings of Rei Ayanami be upon you.


	2. Bulletproof Skin

Shaky Situation

Chapter 2- Bulletproof Skin (Institute)

Ikari Shinji sat pensively on the love seat located in apartment 216 currently under rent of one Ibuki Maya. Maya had made the call to Misato almost an hour ago which unfortunately, for Shinji, had turned into a shouting match; amazingly Maya won, which left Shinji feeling rather scared of Maya for being able to out yell a superior officer. When the call was finished she apologized rather sheepishly for making him uncomfortable. He brushed it off quickly telling her that he had heard louder shouting out of Asuka. She had then stated that she was going to make some dinner. Shinji had immediately tried to get up and help only to find Maya pushing him back down on to the couch by his shoulders before pointing a finger in his face and, much like a disobedient dog, told him to stay.

He glanced quickly to his right and into the small kitchen were Maya was diligently preparing a meal that was swiftly making his mouth water at the smell. He turned his head fully to watch as she almost glided around the room while humming to Beethoven's Violin Romance. He was so entranced that he didn't even noticed when she stopped moving around.

"Um... Shinji," she called softly. He was jolted out of his daydreams and looked to see that the open bar was now set with two plates each containing a plate of Chicken Curry and a side of rice. Cups of green tea sat steaming just above them.

"You can come and eat now Shinji-kun." He nodded numbly and walked over to sit on the stool that had been placed on the living room side of the bar while Maya sat in the kitchen on another stool. It was quite as they ate, barely looking at each other or lacking the will to. When they were finally done Maya took his plate and placed it in the sink for later cleaning before sitting back down to face Shinji who had yet to move.

The silence was oppressive and Shinji could feel it pressing down on him like a weight.

"Why, why are you doing this to yourself," Maya asked while staring hard at the seasoned Evangelion pilot. There could be hundreds of answers: I can't take it anymore, there's nothing left to live for, I don't know what to do anymore, and so on, but the answer she got threw her for a loop.

"It's... the only way I can feel anything." She watched him apprehensively, her lips parted slightly as if to say something.

"I can't feel anything anymore. It started happening about a month after... after..." he gave a shuddering sob and his head sunk to the counter top, arms folded over his head. Maya found herself moving to his side and placed a comforting hand on his back.

"Shinji-kun, I'm sorry, but I need to know when it started happening." Maya didn't know if she could get Shinji to open up like this again so if she could get the information now then they wouldn't have to come back to it later.

"Toji," was the only thing he said but that was more than enough. It had been hard on him, when it was announced that the fourth child, Suzuhara Toji had died shortly after he was extracted from the carnage that was the thirteenth angel, Bardiel. However, that was almost five months ago, she would have put a gun to her head after two. She gave him one last pat before leaving him to check his pack, and maybe get him some clothes for a shower.

The duffel wasn't heavy, but it wasn't light either. With a zip it was open and she began her search. It all seemed to be what someone going on a business trip might pack: shirts, pants, underwear, socks, SDAT, but there, at the bottom, wrapped in three t-shirts, was what she most dreaded to see and there were only a few places he could have gotten it from. She left the item inside and picked up a pair of underwear and the only set of pajamas that he had packed and moved to the bathroom. She set his clothes down on the counter before beginning her sweep of the bathroom to rid it off quite a few things.

She loaded up a travel bag with all her razer blades, medication, and the stopper for the tub. She threw it all in her bedroom as she made her way back to Shinji. She found him in the same position, his crying somewhat abated.

"Shinji-kun," she took hold of his hand gently, "come on. You should take a shower, then you can get some sleep, okay." She watched sadly as he nodded and followed her. However when she got him to the bathroom all he did was slump to the ground as if completely drained.

"Come on Shinji-kun. A shower and then you can rest, please," she asked placing a hand on his cheek. He leaned into her touch and she had to smile sadly at the site. "See Shinji-kun, you can still feel." It might have been true or it might not but he seemed to gain a little strength with that exclamation and stood up.

"I'll get everything set up so you can sleep when your done, okay." She was happy to at least receive a guttural reply in return and she stepped out to let him wash. She stayed true to her words and quickly took his duffel, minus the item, to her room and then to the room that was connected to it on the far right wall. It was small, but she doubted Shinji would care much. A quick placement of sheets and a comforter on the single bed inside and she was practically done. She left his duffel next to the dresser and left to wait in the kitchen.

The item sat on the counter top and she quickly placed it in a drawer so that if Shinji came out when she least expected it he wouldn't see that he no longer had it. She juggled with the idea of calling Ritsuko-sempai, but dropped it when she realized there would probably be raised voices and she didn't need Shinji to think it was his fault, seeing as they would be talking about him.

It was fifteen minutes later when Shinji came out of the bathroom wearing his blue shorts and white t-shirt and looking dead on his feet. She lead him quickly into her room, only for him to begin to protest immediately.

"Ibuki-san, I c-can't sleep in your bed. Were would you sleep."

"Probably were you're going to sleep," she stated under her breath as she lead him to the door and into the other bedroom.

"This is were you'll sleep while you're living here with me, okay." Shinji hardly nodded when he saw the bed. It was like he had forgotten all about the prospect that he might have been sleeping in her bed not but a few seconds ago.

"Goodnight, Shinji-kun," she stated as he crawled into the covers of the bed and seemed to be asleep instantly.

* * *

A/N: I think I need to post this so people won't think I abandoned it again. I had plans on making it much longer but that will have to wait till later. I had an idea for a new story. I doubt I'll post it as I get chapters done. I intend to finish off some of my other stories before posting any new ones beside oneshots. I doubt I'll have many of those though. I really wish I could have made this longer and a little less like a list but again, it will have to do. Please review and tell me what you think, tell me to write, just review so I'll be inspired to write instead of downloading anime. That's all for now, may the blessings of Rei Ayanami be upon you. 


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